Really, Merlin?
by Yougottaeatdembeanz
Summary: "He refuses to believe me. Says I'm joking and that I'd better quit before I lose my head." Oneshot


Merlin dashed into Arthur's tent, panting.

"Merlin, where have you been?" Arthur's annoyed voice cut through the air. "I need to get my armor on for this match!"

"Sorry, sire," Merlin shrugged. "I was just out practicing some spells in case this Sir Morgan fellow has some nasty tricks up his sleeve. You know how these foreign knights are, always trying to get the best of you unfairly."

Arthur stared at Merlin with disbelief. "What did you just say?"

Merlin rolled his eyes up to the ceiling innocently. "About the cheating knights?"

"No, Merlin. You just said you were 'practicing... Spells.'" The stress Arthur put on the word 'spells' was menacing and condemning.

"Oh, right, that. You know. Just the usual, levitation spell, revelation spell, and a couple of special ones just for you!" Merlin smiled and pointed at Arthur.

Arthur took a deep breath and began talking with the same tone of voice he might use with an addlepated four year old. "Merlin. I know you're an idiot, but this really takes the cake. You do realise that joking about this could cost you your head... Or worse."

Merlin kept a determinedly straight face. "When have I ever joked with you, sire?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "It's hard to tell, as your sense of humor is rather sub-par."

Merlin shrugged. "Right. Now shall we get you all armored up?"

Arthur sighed in exasperation.

Amid the clanging of swords and yelling of men, Merlin dashed about looking for openings to use magic.

A decidedly evil looking bandit jumped up behind Arthur, who was busy fighting an armored ringleader, and lifted his mighty axe. Merlin glanced at the tree above the group, and it burst asunder. A heavy branch landed on the assailant's head, and Arthur landed a fatal stroke on the other man.

Battle over, Arthur and Merlin were strolling through the clearing assessing damage.

"Merlin, I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but when we're fighting enemies, you should not be cowering in holes. It makes the whole company look bad."

"I wasn't cowering, sire."

"Well it sure looked like it." Arthur pantomimed a frightened child. "Please don't notice me in this hollow tree, why don't you go attack the big strong knights over there?"

His whiny, mocking voice irritated Merlin, but Merlin schooled his expression. "I told you I wasn't cowering. I was using my magic to protect you."

Arthur laughed. "Merlin! Enough with the magic jokes, you're going to get yourself killed!"

Merlin shrugged.

Arthur strode into Gaius's chambers with a thunderous look in his eye. "Merlin," he bellowed, "Where are you?"

Merlin poked his head up from behind a book. "Just here studying spells as usual, sire!"

Gaius's eyes widened and he looked ready to come up with some fanciful tale to protect Merlin's neck.

"Now's not the time, Merlin. I was due for practice ten minutes ago, and because of your lolly gagging, all the men are waiting on me!"

Gaius looked surprised, but wisely said nothing until Arthur turned on his heel and marched away.

"'Studying spells,' Merlin?"

Merlin shrugged. "He refuses to believe me. Says I'm joking and that I'd better quit before I lose my head. Anyway, better rush."

Merlin dashed into the throne room just before the doors were closed. King Uther was already beginning to commend all those who had shown great courage in the latest battle against magic. The sorceress who had managed to diplomatically worm her way into the castle had been intercepted and greatly weakened, and was scheduled to be executed at dawn.

Arthur glanced over his shoulder at Merlin, and whispered, "Where have you been? I couldn't find you the whole time that sorceress was here!"

Merlin shrugged. "Just fighting her with my magic, sire. Her enchantment was a strong one." Merlin kept his eyes carefully trained on Uther.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot." He turned back to the king, who now dismissed the assembly.

"Merlin!"

Merlin started, and all the magical cleaning that was going on in Arthur's chambers came to a clattering halt.

"What is going on here?" Arthur surveyed the mess of dropped buckets, mops, rags, dishes and clothes all over the floor. "Why can't you just finish one job before you move on to the next?"

"It's much easier to do them all at once with magic," replied Merlin.

Arthur raised his eyebrows. "Now it's magical cleaning? What's next, self serving lunch?"

Looking down slyly, Merlin muttered, "I could do that."

"Speaking of lunch, Merlin, you haven't served me mine," said Arthur gesturing irritably at the empty table.

"Right, sire. Coming right up." Merlin glanced at a plate sitting on the side table, and it lifted up and gracefully moved to land before Arthur.

Arthur looked up at Merlin with exasperation. "Really, Merlin, this is taking matters too far. I know you think it's funny, but my father would take such jokes in a much more serious light."

"Yes, sire." Merlin shrugged to himself, vowing to tell Gaius the next spare moment he had.


End file.
